Thursday, 30 April 2015

A fresh start...

For the last couple of weeks I've been wanting to write all my thoughts, feelings and opinions down because they spend so long circling around in my head that sometimes it all just gets a bit too much. So I thought, I'm going to start a blog. However I completely forgot that I have in fact already have a blog, with just 5 followers (boo!) and 10 posts (what?). I decided to read each individual post and it took me on a very strange trip along memory lane. All of these posts were back in 2012 and I was fifteen coming up to sixteen and it was so weird looking back at how much me and my life had changed. I was full of mixed emotions, some things I wrote made me laugh and some made me sad because now, being 18, I wish I could go back to the times where my biggest worry was friends and/or boyfriends falling out with me!

So the next question was, do I keep or delete these 10 old posts? And the answer is, keep them Lisa. I shouldn't be ashamed of what I thought and felt back then and how I wrote 'lol' at the end of every sentence. I want to leave them up as a comparison to my new posts so I can look back and realise how much I've grown as a person and to remind myself that I should be proud of how far I've come, even if I might not be exactly where I want to be just yet.

I'll use this as my space to write about things I enjoy and am passionate about, whether it be nail polish, or self-esteem, or life, or books or whatever! But most importantly of all, I'm not going to care what anyone thinks about it. I've realised I spend way too much time caring what people think and I'm gradually learning to care less and less. It does make life a little easier. I invite everyone to read and share their thoughts on anything they relate too, just because I really do enjoy hearing what other people believe and feel about certain topics. Even if this blog goes nowhere and it's literally me just talking to myself, I don't mind that either. I was always told talking to yourself is a sign of madness, and it's true, and I like being mad. You might already know me and you've come here from Facebook or whatever and you might find out that there's more to me than you thought! Then on the other hand, you might not know me at all and just want to have a read. Whilst being quite strange, I am just you're average 18 year old girl in a lot of ways, most of the blogs I read are probably ones you read yourself or have definitely heard of. In fact, a lot of them have YouTube channels too, which is something I've debated, but I'm just not that brave!

Right then! After that ridiculously long introduction, if you're still here reading then that's cool, thanks!
Since posting last I have aged 3 years, grown 0 inches, gained approximately 3 stones (guys I'm not holding back, honesty is what I'm all about *dances*), died my hair multiple times, inked my skin twice, had braces put on and removed, had 1 new piercing, been in and out of hospital twice, tried lots of medications, been drunk way too many times, had 1 boyfriend, joined and left 2 colleges, started a new apprenticeship and had 3 epileptic fits (I think). I probably missed out a hell of a lot of things there but I don't want to bore you and they are the most prominent things that spring to mind. I did purposely miss out some depressing crap, I promise, I am trying to keep this slightly light hearted!

I am so blessed in life sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve everyone and everything that I have. However, some days, regardless of that, it feels almost impossible to get out of bed. I know I'm not alone with that, and if you're reading and you feel this some days too, remember you're not alone either. You know when it just feels like everyone is progressing with their life and getting somewhere, moving onto bigger and better things and you feel as though you're just stuck is this rut watching it all go by? Yeah, I feel that a lot. Then I have to remember that just because I'm feeling that way, doesn't mean that's how it actually is, because usually, it's not. I have a job, an amazing family, the perfect boyfriend and a hell of a lot to look forward too. I guess it just feels like the things I'm looking forward too are taking a long time to come around. "Remember, even the hardest days only have 24 hours" - can't remember who the hell said that quote but who cares? I have to remind myself a lot that although from the outside to some people that know me I can appear weak and vulnerable, inside I am one of the strongest people I know. Of course, there is always someone worse off than you but some of the things I've been through and witnessed are not for the faint-hearted. You should never judge someone until you've walked in their shoes.

Whilst what I do for a living isn't exactly my dream job, I mean how many people can say theirs is too? What I really want to do is help people, the only way I can think of doing that is using this blog as a platform for raising awareness on lots of different issues and I hope to build up a following of mainly teenagers so I can share my experiences and give advice. Of course there's probably lots of other ways of doing this, and I am looking into those as and when time allows. Some people will want to read and some people will laugh in my face - but it's not like I'm not used to that, believe me. If it helps just one person and I've still got just 5 followers in 6 months time then that's enough for me. Not every post will be word heavy like this one, some will be about completely random things too, and full of pictures.

If I've not bored you enough already and you've managed to stick around for the whole post, thankyou! :-) I hope you read again sometime? I'm not perfect but I think that's the beauty of it and I don't see anything wrong with doing what I'm doing... that's what blogs are for aren't they?! Sharing ideas and information and lots of fun things :-)
In the meantime, why not follow my Instagram? ...

Happy reading!

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