Gonna make this my year...

   I am feeling in an absolutley immense mood right now. No words can describe how 'on top of the world' I am feeling. Not in an over-confident type way, just a proud, positive and motivated type way. Lots of things have happened in the last 2 weeks that have had major changes to my attitude towards so many things! It's amazing how in such a short space of time, your life can turn around! If anyone knows this, it's me, but usually it's because of a bad thing, not a good thing. If you don't already know, I'm 15 and in year 10 at school.. but for the whole of year 9 I was out of school because of a problem which I'll do another post about if anyones interested, but basically in a nutshell I found myself in a terrible situation with a pedophile on the internet.. not sure if I've already mentioned this? But never mind, anyway.. yeah I had to have home tutoring, and only studied core subjects (Science, English & Maths) and this week was my first week back at school as a normal student. I must admit, it does feel a bit weird, but it has opened my eyes SO much on how many things I took for granted about being at school! I know most people find that school drags, it's not always fun etc. But honestly, once you have been away for such a long time, and been so 'out of the loop' and not had much of a social life because of it, when you go back it's like, boy, I have realllllly missed all of this! Even the hustle and bustle of lesson change I missed!
   So I've decided that this year, I'm gonna make it my year! I turn 16 in September, I have exams, holidays, other exciting birthdays like my little sister turning 2! Moving house hopefully! So many amazing things and I just wanna live for the moment and really let my hair down! I think it's well earnt and deserved considering the amount of crap I've had to deal with the last 2 years and it's given me a real buzz of motivation to just try my best in everything I do! I've learnt that you don't always need other people to be happy, learning to be happy in your own company is such a wonderful thing to learn. A hard lesson to learn no doubt, but once you can do it, there's really no reason why you can't achieve anything you want!
   It all sounds rather Cliché doesn't it? I'm usually not the type to say silly stuff like that, so the fact that I'm writing all this down now must mean something, lol! If you are my age, don't you always hear your parents or other adults tell you that the years whilst your at school, college or whatever, will be the best years of your life, and you're only young once? They are SO right! I don't wanna look back on these years when I'm 30 and think, ah I wish I'd done this, or I wish I'd done that! You know? Yes everyone comes across obstacles in life, but no matter what it is, you have to find a way around it, you will always get beyond it. Everyone has inner strength no matter how weak you feel. Believe me!
   Never, ever take loved ones for granted. Friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, they might all come and go and so really it all comes down to your family!
  Sorry if anyone found this really boring, and if you read it all the way through, thankyou! Haha!

Dealing with a heart that I didn't break...

I have had the worst weekend to date. Nothing sucks more than having a broken heart does it? But the reality of it is, everyone ends up with one at some point right? Even if you don't choose to be in a relationship in your teens, it still ends up happening when you're older at some point I'm sure. Even if it's not because of a relationship either, it could be anything that causes love loss?
I don't want to go into detail about it all because it's just not worth it, but instead I'm gonna turn this negative experience into a positive one and try and get out there what I've learnt from it all... I'm the type of person that when I go into a new relationship I put my whole heart into it, and yes most of the time it's a bad thing I admit, but in the long run if I do ever meet that 'Mr Right' (which I'm definatley not concerned about at my age by the way) will be a good thing.  I am 100% faithful to that person, I'm honest and caring but unfortunatley that still isn't good enough for some.
"If it's meant to be, it will be." - That quote is so important and I think every girl at my age who goes through the kind of thing I am at the moment should think about that! At the end of the day, we're teenagers and yeah 'High School Sweethearts' is all very nice but it doesn't happen a lot nowadays. Since sex became easier to get, love became harder to find. Fact. I also think the internet plays a HUGE part too, people talk too much on the internet, they know what people are up too 24/7 and years ago it never used to be like that at all, and funnily enough the couples that were together then I bet most of them are still together now!
It is devastating when you break up with someone who you had such strong feelings for and the only way of moving on is sticking with your family and friends and just really trying carrying on as normal. I know how hard this is believe me, but it does work. You're still you, all of your amazing qualities are still there! Everyone has to give theirselves a few days to grieve but there's nothing wrong with that! "If you love someone let them go, because if they really loved you too, they'd come back." At our age, relationships shouldn't be the 'be all and end all of life', the world is our oyster and we've got so much to look forward to! Do not let a boy get in the way of that, there's what like 7 billion people in the world! :)
I hope some of you found this helpful or interesting, nothing like a bit of venting!
Thankyou so much for following!
Lisa xo

Conversations with my 13 year old self...

    If you like P!NK, you'll probably love the title to this post :P I used to listen to this song all the time when I was going through a rough patch when I was 13/14.
    Ok, so I can't speak for other people but personally, being a teenager has been rough for me. And when I say rough, I mean, rough. To be honest, things have brightened up now.. It's still hard yeah, but easier than it was before for sure. I am only 15 so I've still got sooo much growing up to do! Actually, growing up seems so exciting now, where as before I didn't want to grow up at all, the thought scared me..
    There are so many life lessons I have learnt already though and I enjoy learning new ones every single day!! but from what I've been through there's one that sticks out today...
    Everyone meets new people in their life, some stick around, and some don't. The ones that don't stick around end up making us feel really shit, right?  Make us think things like, what did I do? Why don't they like me? Why don't they seem to want to talk anymore? Is there something wrong with me? Are they avoiding me?.. There was times I used to sit there and think all of these things for hours on end, mentally draining myself as to why some people had just walked into my life and made me so happy, then just walked straight back out again like it was some walk-in clinic. Girls, but boys especially. I never intended having boys walk in and out of my life, but truth is, that's what happened. 'Hindsight is a wonderful thing' and looking back I wish I hadn't have fought so hard to keep up a relationship with people who just weren't bothered.
    If anything I've just learnt that if someone chooses to walk out of your life, let them. There's no use in wasting time on people who are just going to leave you, and what you make of yourself and your future is no longer tied to them.. Yeah, you might miss them, but always remember that you weren't the one that gave up!!! I'm not the type of person who gives up on people, if I'm going to meet someone new, and get involved with them I don't just tag along for awhile and leave when I get bored. To me that's just not how friendships and relationships are supposed to work..

   

Remember; no matter how good she looks, someone.. somewhere, is sick of her SHIT.

Okkkk, this is gonna be aimed at most teenage girls my age probably. Purely because I feel so strongly about this subject having been bullied so many times and being made to feel like I was such an outcast for no real reason. The quote in the title literally explains it all.
    The first time I was bullied was actually by someone who I thought for a long time was my friend.. I was only about hmm, 6 or 7 at the time so it wasn't quite the 'emotional' type of bullying. I had a few friends that were girls, and we'd have tiffs, like most normal girls at that age.. but I had one particular friend who was a boy.. he wasn't a 'boyfriend' he was literally a 'boy *space* friend. I remember having so much fun, making secret dens and pretending to be spies etc etc.. but eventually, he just turned into a really troubled, disruptive, agressive boy and I was obviously his number 1 target -_- I went to the teachers and did the sensible thing, but the way it was dealt with was just ridiculous. He never got punished for it because 'they didn't see it' or 'he's usually a good boy'.. but I ended up having to move to a different Primary School in the end and I actually made so many more friends there! And, it was a MUCH better school to say the least.
    I didn't get bullied again til I hit Secondary School.. the first year there was a bit of a breeze, didn't really know many of the new people or mingle with new people, just stuck to who and what I knew I suppose! But by the second year when the classes finally got streamed into what you're ability was, and having classes with people you'd never really spoken to or knew before, was when things got a bit rocky for me. Again, I had plenty of friends.. I was in no way 'popular' but I had a lovely group of friends, boys and girls, which I loved :) then I started to mingle with a few more girls and that's where it got messy. Maybe it's just me? Maybe I just wasn't one to get involved with gossip and rumours? These are questions I'll never know the answer to, but having gotten quite close to these few girls I found myself slowly slipping into situations where I ended up being the root of a rumour or a lie.. and practically becoming a real bitch, to be honest. Not starting rumours, but being the person that the rumour was always about.. something I'd done or said which wasn't true. Quite frankly, this wasn't me at all.. I'm not that type of girl.
    ...Then after months of this, I'd started to seperate myself from these girls as I knew they were clearly bad news. I tried and go back to how things were before.. but as you can imagine, this caused a whole new load of problems, arguments, harrassment over the internet, texts, back-stabbing plans.. you name it! It got so bad that my confidence had literally hit rock bottom. I felt like I had no one. I still had my circle of friends, but it didn't feel like it at all. I'd devoted so much time with these girls, trying to be 'grown up' like them and trying to act & look like them that I'd lost touch with who I actually was... I stopped going to school because it was just so unbearable waking up and thinking, have I really got to go and face people at school who now think I've done this, or done that.. because some silly girls have started yet another rumour.. And yet everyone remained their friends, thinking they were telling the truth, and there was me sitting at home crying my eyes out feeling like I just wasn't good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough blah blah blah.
    The police got involved as the internet harassment was getting way too OTT and that put an end to it all and they never looked me in the eye again. I wish it hadn't of gotten so bad, but it did and it made me a stronger person, because I know what it feels like to be the girl that everyone talks about in a bad way. The rumours to this day almost 2 1/2 years later still haunt me.. some people still think they're true. It takes one to know one though right?! It's taught me nothing but to really just not give two shits what anyone thinks! Just be yourself. Because there's no one else quite like you. Girls will always be bitchy. Fact. Even the nicest girls. But girls who live their life constantly being that way everyday are the girls that wont end up having a happy life. That's the best revenge of all you know, happiness.. nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good f'ing life! (sorry about the naughty word!)
    It really makes me realise just how much of a better, stronger person I am because of what they did to me. Although it wasn't nice, I've come out the other side, and those girls are still the same way. There is nothing they can do to me now, that's worse than what I've already been through. I actually to an extent feel sorry for them. The fact that their life consists of nothing but being 'popular' and revolving around rumours and gossip.
     I pray that no one ever has to go through things like this, but unfortunatley, it happens all the time.. that's just society now. I'm only 15, so it probably isn't going to get any easier any time soon.. but I know the tricks of the trade now, I get how it all works & I can use that to my advantage! Sorry this was a wordy post, but I really just wanted to get it out there!
Thankyou for reading it, if you're not already asleep by now ;)
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee! xo

You're my rock..

    Being 15, turning 16 in September, I feel like I'm at an age where I'm really starting to appreciate just how much support & love I have from my family :') not even family always, friends too of course.. I think it's fair to say that the last 2-3 years have been a bit of a rough ride for me but things are finally so much better now :) that's another story for another day though me thinks! ''It's always okay in the end, so if it's not okay, it's not the end''.. this quote always keeps me going :)
    It's no secret with me that my Mum wasn't around as much as she'd have like to have been as I was growing up, but in all honesty, it has had zero effect on our relationship now.. We're like sisters! Obviously it effected me in other ways like not having that 'Mummy-figure' to grow up around. I've lived with my Dad all my life with my brother who's now 12. Dad kind of took on the role of trying to be both Mummy and Daddy as much as he could. It was hard yeah, but it was all I ever knew. They split up when I was around 3 and a half, so I don't really remember them together except from the odd snippet of a memory and photos. It still upsets me now to this day and I wish they never split up and nothing happened, but it did and that's that. I've learnt to be a type of person that looks at the glass being half full and not half empty :) <3
    Anyway enough of my life story haha! This is a couple of pictures of me & my Mum, I absolutley love her to peices and even though she's made mistakes in the past.. she is the best Mummy in the whole world :D :')

   

Kreativ Blogger Award!

I was so happy when http://bellepearlxx.blogspot.com/ awarded me the Kreativ Blogger Award because it's not like I've been doing this long and it wasn't something I thought was really gonna take off! I am so appreciative of all the feedback I've had and lovely messages about my posts that it's inspired me to write more! I've spent the last 2-3 years of my life reading blogs but never plucked up the courage to actually start my own, but I'm so glad I did now!

Anyway there are a few rules involved, they are as follows:
1. Link back to the person who gave you the award.
2. Complete the form below/answer the questions.
3. Award ten other bloggers, and let them know.
4. Share seven random thoughts about yourself.

The Questions:

1. Name your favourite songs:
- Woahh this is such a hard question haha! When you're such a music lover like me it's so hard to choose just one! Hmm, I guess if I had to pick, at the moment it would be 'Never too much' by Luther Vandross, simply because this is one of my boyfriends favourite songs and it reminds me of him! :D

2. Name your favourite dessert:
-  Now I'm not a fussy eater but when it comes to dessert I'm way more picky! I absolutley love Jelly & Strawberry Angel Delight! I'm sucha old school kid :-P

3. What ticks me off:
- When people lie about the most pathetic things, and don't even think about other peoples feelings or the consequences until they're caught out!

4. When I'm upset I:
- Usually I go really quiet and prefer not to talk to anyone, I always bottle it up! Which is NOT good! If you push me far enough I'll probably crack and tell you, but I hate telling someone I'm upset, I'm good at putting on a brave face...

5. What's your favourite pet:
- I only have one pet, and she is called Oreo :-P and she is a Mouse! :D She's called Oreo beacuse she has brown & white markings on her lol :) I had another one too called Cornflakes beacuse she was a beautiful gingery/orange colour but she died a few months back :(

6. Black or White:
-  White! There is nothing like a nice, freshly washed, white top/shirt. (Thought I'd add a cheeky fact, there is just something about boys in white tops in the summer, do not ask me why. It's an odd fetish I know.. but not just ANY boy of course.. preferably my boyfriend :-P hahaha!)

7. What's your biggest fear:
- Losing someone you I really care about :( but other than that.. SPIDERS. OH MY GOD, I CANNOT STAND THE THINGS!

8. What's your everyday attitude:
- Usually I'm quite positive and cheerful :) Everyone has their bad days of course, but I'm one of those people that will do anything to make sure I've got some purpose to my life :) I've been to a place where I felt like life was just not worth it at all.. and I don't plan on going back :)

9. What is perfection:
- Sam, my boyfriend, :) <3

10. Guilty Pleasure:
- My teddy bears! Yes, I am 15 and I still sleep with a teddy bear! I do not care what anyone thinks, they have so much sentimental value to me it's unreal! :')

Seven Random Facts:

1. I am absolutley rubbish at maths... it's like dyslexia but with numbers-.-

2. I want to work in/study Law :)

3. I'm allergic to: Cats, Hamsters, Guinea Pigs, Horses -.-

4. I have a really hard time learning to trust people..

5. I am not the most normal girl you could meet lol :D

6. I love Law & Order UK so much it's almost insane.

7. Finally I am excited to carry on blogging into the future!!

Blogs I awarded: (Could only award 3 since I'm not following a huge amount of people at the moment! And some who I wanted to award have already done it!)

http://atypicalenglishrose.blogspot.com
http://josielovesshoes.blogspot.com/
http://cremedeblogs.blogspot.com

This will be a year to remember...

Hey you guysssssss :P
Hope everyone had a lovely New Years! I went to a dress up party as Lara Croft LOL. People wore some awesome costumes! You never can beat a good dress up party. This year I made a promise to myself that I would try remain sober :P as last year was such a disaster, I was so drunk I missed the 12pm celebration tehehe *cheeky face* and spent New Years day on the sofa, hungover.. not fun at all -.- So this year I achieved that goal and was rather pleased with myself! I sound like such an alcoholic, but I'm really not :P I have Epilepsy so drinking a lot, regularly, wouldn't be a wise thing to do! Does anyone else have Epilepsy? What medication do you take & how do you get on with it? I'm starting a new one soon called 'Keppra', apparently it's not the nicest medication to be on, but after awhile your body gets used to it..? Bit apprehensive I must say.

Okkkk, now onto the actual point of this post.. on New Years Day which was Sunday, I got a bite around the back of my knee on my right leg.. at first I didn't think anything of it since it was just a small itchy bite and that was the end of it... until Monday... my leg continued to get bigger and bigger and it was hard.. like a bar of soap was in my leg! So gross -.- and by Wednesday morning, it was huge...



Can you see that mahoosive lump?



I could hardly walk, since it was on the back of my leg it was so painful to bend all the way in, and stretch all the way out, so putting my foot flat on the floor was agony! :( My Mum decided to take me to A&E early Thursday morning since I was in so much pain :'( The doc examined my leg and said it looks like I was going to have to have surgery to remove whatever was in there, but first I'd be sent for an Ultra Sound just to see if there was anything in there like infection, fluid etc. (Btw sorry if you're squeamish!) The Ultra Sound revealed nothing, and so they decided to admit me to a childrens ward where I'd have a strong, adult dose of antibiotics 4-6 times a day through a canula.. A canula is what they give you if you were to have an IV drip. My antibiotics were given through a syringe into the canula so they would go directly into my blood stream and ultimatley work faster!

    That's a Canula :) When I got to A&E my veins just didn't wanna know -.- they we're so uncooperative and the doc had to try two or three times to even get one in! I now have a lovely juicy bruise on my arm where he attempted the first time -.- but eventually he got one in my left hand (above) although, that only lasted until Thursday night and the Orthopaedic doc had to come and attempt to put another one in, except my veins were being stubborn yet again and just didnt pop up! I was very dehydrated after having a lot of sickness and so my veins were collapsing all the time. He tried twice in my right hand.. no joy. But in the end he got one in my right forearm (so painful here!)

    That isn't the end though... after 2-4 hours this one had gone again. What was happening was the vein was collapsing and the canula was slipping out of my vein, this was due to the amount of medicine being shoved in my vein every few hours and my body just didn't like it! So the doctor was pleased to see me again haha! He came and managed to get one in my forearm on my LEFT this time -.- this one lasted a good while, but it wasn't the last one!!!! By Saturday night it had gone again and the doctor had just about had enough and said if this one didn't last, he'd have to try in my foot!

    Anywayyyyy, I ended up with a good, big vein in my right forearm again but in a slightly different place and that one lasted me til I went home! Monday morning the consultant came around as usual and had a look at my leg, which hadn't seemed to improve except swelling had gone down considerably.. in the end he decided an operation would be my best bet and said I'd be going to theatre first thing Tuesday morning and there'd be a General Anesthetic blah blah blah. I was nervous, but more excited.. lolll is that weird!?
     So I had the op, and I have a small cut and one stitch.. and a mahoooosive bandage! It's Thursday 12th now and I'm going back to the hospital tomorrow to have a new bandage & the stitch out :) yayyy! Most people would say that a General Anesthetic made them feel nauseous, groggy, tired.. but I felt great!! I was so happy and giggly when I woke up and the op only took roughly 30mins! I was so pleased because the surgeon wrote out my discharge letter and I was going home the same day with oral antibiotics! So I was let out Tuesday evening and Mum took me for a Maccy's :P I was SO happy!! I wrote a nice Thankyou note for all the Nurses that looked after me on my ward because I was treated so lovely and I couldn't of had a better time there despite being in pain and throwing up all the time -.-!

I know that was like, a reallllly long, possibly boring post, but I hope some of you find it interesting! Spending the 2nd week of 2012 in hospital won't be forgotten! My boyfriend was so sweet and came to visit me!! It was a surprise and he bought me chocolates :') I didn't expect him to come but he did and it made my whole week tehehe :')!

Thankyou for reading birdiessss! Tarrrrrrraaaaa :)